Post by diginess on May 8, 2007 23:25:25 GMT -5
Hellwar
Characters:
• Dr. Mordecai “Mort” Slausson is the leading expert in regenerative nanobiology. He has been working for the last 6 years on a serum that will reduce a patient’s bodily function to the point where it becomes indistinguishable with death.
• Dr. James David Willis is Dr. Slausson’s assistant.
• Dr. Aiden Ardmore Fulbright is the department director for the laboratory and the entire facility.
• Dr. Francesca Flaxen is the leading expert in psychoholistics, or the science of healing the mind-body union. She is dating Dr. Slausson.
• William J. Brently (Esq.) is the department’s legal officer. (character not used in story)
• Lawrence (last name unknown) is a soul that has been tortured in Hell for hundreds of years.
* * * * *
Scene: In the Lab
Slausson: (looking through a set of microscope lenses) How about batch number 10, James?
Willis: (checking various readouts on his computer screens) Non-responsive, Dr. Slausson.
Slausson: But it HAS to work!
Willis: Sir, I can only tell you what the results indicate.
Slausson: Yeah, I didn’t mean you. It’s just… you know. The usual.
Willis: The budget cuts?
Slausson: Is it ever anything else? Sometimes I wish I was a janitor. I bet they never have to deal with budgetary pressures.
Willis: Do I need to give you the speech?
Slausson: No, I just… Yeah give me the speech.
Willis: Dr. Slausson, your work in regenerative nanobiology has already saved countless lives and promises a richer world for the entirety of Mankind. Your breakthroughs have been nothing short of astonishing. To say that you’re wise beyond your years would be an unforgivable understatement. A world without Dr. Slausson would be a cold, gray, bleak…
Slausson: I think that will be enough. We wouldn’t want my huge ego to be the next problem, do we? That’s much harder to fix.
Willis: Speak of the devil…
Flaxen: (entering the lab) Is this a bad time, Mort?
Slausson: (stepping away from the microscope) Never for you, Love. What’s on your gorgeous mind?
Flaxen: I wanted to remind you of that dinner you promised me tonight.
Slausson: Oh, no! Was that tonight? I’ve got a million things…
Flaxen: Mort…
Slausson: I’m kidding, my dear. James would you be so kind as to…
Willis: Yeah yeah, work through the night. You’re lucky I have no life.
Slausson: Luck has nothing to do with it. I screened your résumé.
Willis: You better have fun tonight. Make this all worth my suffering for the Cause.
* * * * *
Scene: At Dinner
Slausson: (waving his hand over a wine glass) No more for me. I’m driving.
Waiter: Of course, sir. I’ll be back with the check.
Slausson: Thank you.
Flaxen: You still haven’t answered my question.
Slausson: I’m so sorry, Francesca. But you know I still need a little time. What do you want me to say, that I’ll marry you next week? We’re under constant budgetary pressures at the lab. You know this.
Flaxen: There’s never a “good” time. I’m not going to wait until I’m old and gray before you make good on that proposal. Tick Tock.
Slausson: Honey, I’m sooo close I can taste it. Look, once I perfect this formula I’ll become a household name. I’ll never have to worry about a job again. I could write my own ticket.
Flaxen: Will you honor that ticket, once written, like the one you wrote for me?
Slausson: I WILL make good on my promise, Love. You have to trust me, just for a little while.
Flaxen: Mort, I…
Slausson: Just a little while. I promise. We’re holding a press conference tomorrow. I’d like you to come. You’ll see.
Flaxen: Mort if it’s about the money, I have plenty saved up. We can live off my income and…
Slausson: NO! I mean… No Love it’s not about the money. It’s something I have to do. This is eating me up inside. If I don’t do this now I’ll bust.
Flaxen: Join the club.
Slausson: Please don’t be that way. (kisses her hand) I’m going to make good on every promise. Come Hell or high water I’m going to perfect this treatment and I’ll have so much more time for you. I mean it.
Flaxen: You’d better mean it.
Slausson: So you’ll come to the press conference?
Flaxen: I’ll think about it.
Waiter: Your check, sir.
Slausson: Ah, thank you my good man.
* * * * *
Scene: The Press Conference
Slausson: So you see, this treatment has a wide range of applications. The most immediate, and profitable, will be for injured soldiers. Imagine a soldier getting shot in the heart on the battlefield. Another soldier gives him the formula and his life functions cease for 26 hours. He comes back to life in a field hospital with a new heart already installed.
Reporter 1: So the military has shown an interest in this?
Slausson: Yes, we already have a thousand back-orders. With economies of scale, we could extend the licensing to the civilian sector and virtually eliminate all forms of traumatic death within a few years. This could change everything.
Reporter 2: What inspired you to create this formula?
Slausson: I once read a book where a super wealthy rock star was spending the year dead for tax purposes. They had him hooked up to a death-support system. My formula won’t be able to keep you dead for a year, but it will give you enough time to reach a proper facility and get emergency surgery.
Reporter 1: And how soon will this drug be ready for human testing?
Slausson: (looking up at Fulbright, entering the room, who is making a cut-throat motion) Soon. It’s too early to give an exact date, but we’re hopefully optimistic. I’m sorry but that will be all the questions I can…
Reporter 2: Dr. Slausson, Dr. Slausson, is it true that the latest round of budget cuts is…
Slausson: No more questions. Thank you.
Reporter 1: Dr. Slausson!
Slausson: (smiles and waves) Thank you.
* * * * *
Scene: After The Press Conference
Flaxen: Honey, you were wonderful.
Slausson: Aren’t I always?
Flaxen: Ooh! All this and humble too!
Fulbright: Mordecai, I need a word.
Slausson: Of course. Dr. Flaxen here was just remarking how…
Fulbright: In private. Thank you Dr. Flaxen.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Flaxen: What’s wrong, Mort?
Slausson: (furious) Those fools! Those idiots! What gives them the right?
Flaxen: What did Dr. Fulbright say?
Slausson: (with a look of helplessness and hopelessness) He… actually…
Flaxen: Oh, Honey! No!
Slausson: He’s an idiot. They’re ALL idiots. Can’t they see the impact this could have on society?
Flaxen: There are other companies. You’ve already made your name for yourself. There are companies with deep R&D pockets. They won’t cut your budget. You could start over. You could…
Slausson: All my work is proprietary. If I try to create this formula at another company, they can sue me. There’s a two year restraint. By then someone else will have perfected their own formula.
Flaxen: Mort, there HAS to be a way.
Slausson: (chuckles) This is like the guy who tried to swim from New York to France. He got 10 miles from the coast of France, decided he couldn’t make it, and swam back.
Flaxen: Maybe I can talk to Dr. Fulbright. There has to be another place to cut funding.
Slausson: I was SOOOO CLOSE! This is maddening!
Flaxen: (leaning in for a hug, and stroking the back of Dr. Slausson’s head) I know, darling. I know. We’ll work this out. We have to.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Office
Willis: So that’s it then? 5 years working on this formula and it’s all for nothing? I’m not even sure how to put this on my résumé. Maybe next to “pathetic loser with no life”.
Slausson: I’ll be right behind you, holding a sign that says “Will ALMOST cure death for food”.
Willis: And you’ve tried everything?
Slausson: I pulled every string, called in every favor. Francesca practically threw herself at Dr. Fulbright to get him to change his mind. There’s just no more money.
Willis: And it runs out?
Slausson: The end of this month. Actually the day before is the end of the two-week period. You know how accountants are.
Willis: Of course. I’m a pathetic loser with no life.
Slausson: Yeah, about that… What’s that reading on your screen?
Willis: Where? You mean this one? That sample died. They die a lot.
Slausson: Yeah, they do don’t they? What if we were looking in the wrong place this whole time?
Willis: It’s too late. They already cut funding.
Slausson: No, I’m just saying. What if this was the answer all along?
Willis: No. Don’t you even dare. They’re laying us off. If you perfect the formula now, they get all the money and we get nothing. Pardon me for being just a bit ungrateful, but it’s too late in the day for you to have one of your flashes of inspiration.
Slausson: I just gotta know. And besides, the world needs this drug.
Willis: You’re cutting your own throat – which I don’t particularly mind, but you’re cutting my throat as well.
Slausson: Unless…
Willis: Don’t say it. Don’t you even say it.
Slausson: Say what?
Willis: I know what you’re thinking. Everyone knows what you’re thinking. You practically said it at the press briefing. Using the drug on yourself is the stupidest thing imaginable.
Slausson: Was I that obvious?
Willis: Tom mentioned that they have a betting pool. He’s got you down for 8:00 tonight.
Slausson: And you think that’s a horrible idea.
Willis: Yeah I do. At least until 10:00. You know. I need the money more than Tom does. What with being laid off and all.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Willis: I have the dosage set for one hour.
Slausson: That should be fine.
Wilson: (hooking up a series of wiring harnesses to Slausson) Just two more wires and… How’s that?
Slausson: I feel like a ball of yarn.
Wilson: Perfect. I’ll be monitoring your vitals. Nighty night.
Slausson: (inhales sharply) This had better work.
(fade out to gray)
* * * * *
Scene: Entry To Hell
Demon 1: A new arrival! Ha ha! He’s mine! I saw him first!
Demon 2: We have to present him to the higher order demon. You know the rules.
Demon 1: This one doesn’t look like he belongs. How did you get here, Timmy?
Slausson: Where am I?
(there is an inescapable sound of moaning and suffering, coming from all directions)
Demon 1: It’s so funny how they never understand where they are. You’re at the circus, Timmy.
Demon 2: (grabbing Slausson) No, you’re at your mother’s house. She’s making apple pie.
Slausson: You’re, you’re… This is Hell. I need to get out of here!
Demon 2: It’s even funnier when they think they can leave. Do you see an exit door, Timmy?
Demon 1: Ha ha, yeah! Exit door, Timmy. Just go out the exit door, Timmy.
Slausson: (breaking free from the demons) No, this is all wrong. I’m not here for your amusement.
Demon 2: You could have fooled me, Timmy. Get over here and amuse us.
Demon 1: This one still has some life left in him. Let us lay hold of him.
Slausson: (fighting) Like hell you will. (breaks fully free of the demons)
Demon 1: He’s getting away, Ba’alzorn! Nobody gets away from us.
Demon 2: Nobody gets away from us, Timmy.
Slausson: (kicks Demon 2) I do.
Demon 1: That’s not possible. How are you able to resist? Who can do such a thing?
Slausson: (overpowers Demon 1) (sarcastic) I guess I’m TIMMY.
(both demons are unconscious)
(there is a large gateway, but both doors are closed)
Slausson: (trying to open the Gates of Hell) How do I get out of here?
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Willis: Wakey, wakey.
Slausson: (jumps up, startled, panicking, breathing very hard) Where… James? Is that you?
Willis: Who else would it be?
Slausson: It’s really you.
Willis: Of course it is. What happened?
Slausson: I’m not… I don’t think you’ll believe me if I told you.
Willis: Try me.
Slausson: (dead serious death stare at Willis) Hell. I was in Hell.
Willis: (pause) (whispers) Then that means…
Slausson: Yes. It’s all true. It’s not a fairy tale. I was there.
Willis: And you’re absolutely sure it’s not just the effect of the body breaking down at the moment of death?
Slausson: No, it wasn’t some psychotic dream or a bunch of random colors. It was real. It was a place. I was aware of myself. I was aware of the passing of time. It was…
Willis: It was what?
Slausson: (dead serious look) There were… others. I wasn’t alone.
Willis: As in other people suffering in Hell?
Slausson: That too. James, I had to fight demons. I was literally in a fist fight with demons. Real demons, James. (Slausson is now breathing hard again)
Willis: OK, OK. I believe you. Calm down already. You’re here back in the real world.
Slausson: It was very real.
Willis: No, I believe you. Really. I’m convinced. I wish I wasn’t so convinced. You’re really creeping me out, Dr. Slausson.
Slausson: I have to tell Dr. Fulbright about this. I have to let him know about the…
Willis: No, you don’t.
Slausson: What do you mean? Of course I do. The implications here are…
Willis: MORT! Listen to me. You know Dr. Fulbright never believed in you. He never believed you could make this formula work. Do you think for a second that he’s going to buy anything you tell him about a journey to Hell? And from a scientist who used his own drug on himself? There’s nothing worse.
Slausson: Well he, I mean… Oh. You’re right. He only backed my work so long as the easy money rolled in from the military. I need proof.
Willis: Proof? How are you going to prove Hell is real?
Slausson: If we test for those psychotropic chemicals when the body breaks down, and make sure they’re all zero while I’m out, that will rule it out. I wasn’t decomposing, only dead. Then he won’t be able to claim it’s a hallucination.
Willis: That’s an excellent idea. We should have tested for them the last… Dr. Slausson, no. That’s a horrible idea. You can't possibly be suggesting that you want to go BACK there, are you?
Slausson: It’s the only way. I can’t let my formula die because of a few short-sighted beancounters turning off the money. The world needs this formula.
Willis: Not if soldiers end up experiencing Hell.
Slausson: That’s where you come in. I’m going to want a report of every chemical in my blood when I’m dead. In time we can tweak the formula so people don’t go to Hell at all.
Willis: Sir, with all due respect, we’re not that smart! We can’t just turn off Hell with a chemical concoction.
Slausson: Why not? We turned it on with a chemical concoction. We have to do this, James. Think about your résumé. “He helped discovered Hell – completely ignored same.”
Willis: (grunts and groans, unwilling to accept the facts) Mmmmnnnn…I hate it when you’re right.
Slausson: You ought to try hating something that doesn’t happen so often instead.
* * * * *
Scene: Entry To Hell
(Slausson materializes)
(the previous two demons are talking to a higher order demon)
Demon 2: He’s telling the truth, Ka’alith. The human somehow escaped. He was… Behold, there he is! (points at Slausson)
Slausson: (immediately attacks all three demons, knocking them unconscious) I sure hope James can make this worth my while.
(Slausson walks past the demons, to get a better look at Hell, from a patch of high ground.)
Lawrence: Come over here! You. Come over here now.
Slausson: (approaching Lawrence) Who are you?
Lawrence: I’ve been here for 600 years now, awaiting my judgment. My name is Lawrence.
Slausson: Your judgment? What can they do to you? You’re already in Hell.
Lawrence: Ha ha. You make me laugh, Mordecai. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve laughed?
Slausson: How do you know my name?
Lawrence: (distrusting) You… don’t really… know do you? You really don’t belong here do you?
Slausson: No I don’t belong here. Now tell me how you know my name.
Lawrence: (looking around) Not here. Come with me. Come quickly.
* * * * *
Scene: Inside A Cave in Hell
Slausson: So let me get this straight. Everyone here knows everyone else’s name?
Lawrence: Yes. After death, the soul is laid bare. I know who you are, Mordecai Slausson.
Slausson: And how exactly does that work? Am I wearing an invisible name tag?
Lawrence: It just is. And that is how I knew you didn’t belong here. Are you somehow still alive?
Slausson: Yes. No. Sort of. Look, it’s complicated. Wait, so then why were those demons calling me Timmy?
Lawrence: The demons are cruel. All else follows.
Slausson: How can you stand it here? It’s so hot. Everything is so hot!
Lawrence: This cave is one of the better places in Hell. Soon it will rain fire from above. The fire clings to our skin. There are so many types of torment, but the flames are the worst.
Slausson: Seriously?
Lawrence: How can you not know of Hell?
Slausson: What was that you were saying about a judgment?
Lawrence: Hell is not the end, my friend. They tell you it is, but there’s something worse. Hell is just a temporary holding pen. When the Lamb proclaims the final judgment, we will be cast into the Lake of Fire. That’s the real Hell. That’s where we spend eternity.
Slausson: Worse than this?
Lawrence: What part of “Lake of Fire” has you confused? It will be much worse than this.
Slausson: You know my name. Do you happen to have any special insight into how I can correct my formula? I’m trying to skip the whole Hell part.
Lawrence: I have no special knowledge of your employment. All I can say is that you were a fool for coming here, and a double fool for coming back.
Slausson: I might need to come back again. Is there any way to…
Lawrence: How can one man be so stupid? If you have a way out of here, then leave and never come back.
Slausson: I know but I need to fix my formula. It’s my life’s work.
Lawrence: What is a life compared to eternity? You live you die the end. That fast. You would lose your soul to finish some formula? No, even if they offered you the whole world it’s not worth losing your soul. Are they offering you the whole world?
Slausson: No but…
Lawrence: Then leave and never come back. I can see on your face you’re still thinking about it. What’s to think about? If I had an escape, I would take it. I would go back and live a righteous life before God and go to Heaven. How hard is it to be righteous for the 3 seconds or so that you call “life”? You’re still thinking about it. You’re worse than a double fool.
Slausson: I need a weapon to attack the demons for the next time I come here.
Lawrence: Don’t you realize what you’ve done? You just attacked a higher order demon. When you return, if you truly are that foolish, you’re likely to find Satan waiting for you.
Slausson: I’m tough. I can take any demon my size.
Lawrence: This may be true, but Satan doesn’t come in your size. Have you never read about him? He’s a ravenous wolf. He’s a mighty dragon. He’s a roaring lion, devouring who he will. You can’t fight him.
Slausson: I have to try.
Lawrence: No, you really don’t. Go back to the world of the living. Join a monastery. Become a missionary. Read from the… the um…
Slausson: The Bible?
Lawrence: Yes, that. Read from what you said. Just don’t ever return here.
Slausson: I can’t do that.
Lawrence: Then you are doomed. Satan will capture you and not let go. You’ll be as me.
Slausson: Not if I take precautions. If I could find a –
(Slausson disappears from the cave suddenly)
* * * * *
Willis: Well?
Slausson: (pulling the electrodes from his chest) Hell’s still there. I need some sleep.
Willis: Yeah… See you tomorrow I guess.
Slausson: Goodnight.
* * * * *
Scene: Dr. Flaxen’s Apartment
Flaxen: How can I possibly believe any of that?
Slausson: When have I ever lied to you?
Flaxen: I know, but... Hell? How can anyone possibly…?
Slausson: Honey, I’ve been in a sort of a daze all night, kind of like a waking dream-nightmare. It’s hard to get that place out of my mind.
Flaxen: That’s not helping your case. There are some who might call you delusional.
Slausson: I know. Believe me I know. But that’s where you come in.
Flaxen: Me? Don’t drag me into this.
Slausson: Hear me out. For one second put your preconceptions to the side and think of this as a purely scientific proposal.
Flaxen: But, “Hell”?
Slausson: Preconceptions…
Flaxen: OK you have… ten, no five, minutes to convince me.
Slausson: Love, it’s no exaggeration to say that you’re at the bleeding edge of psychoholistics. Your body of work is amazing.
Flaxen: Four.
Slausson: When I was in Hell, my body was still here, in a drug-induced death coma. But I could still see and hear things there. I was tangible. I met others. I had a body.
Flaxen: Three.
Slausson: Your clock’s a little fast.
Flaxen: Yours is a little slow. But we’ll talk about that some more later.
Slausson: Anyway, what I’m saying is that when I got there I must have established a new mind-body link that didn’t previously exist. So I was thinking…
Flaxen: (gasps) (whispers) Honey, you’re a genius.
Slausson: So you’ll help me?
Flaxen: How can I say no? You’re giving me a testing ground that nobody in the world has.
Slausson: You don’t know how much this means to me.
Flaxen: To us, Honey. To us. You know, if we can pull this off, you will have officially run out of excuses.
Slausson: They were never excuses. I will marry you. You’ll see.
Flaxen: You’d better.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Flaxen: You really do look worn out, honey. Are you sure you won’t catch just a few hours of sleep? Just a few?
Slausson: They’re pulling the plug on this lab in a few days. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Literally.
Flaxen: Not funny. There’s no bodily rejuvenation during the death cycle. I HAVE read your notes, you know.
Slausson: I’m sorry, Love. I’ll be good. Now are you sure that the…
Willis: (entering) What’s all this then? Did I not get invited to the party?
Flaxen: Mort and I are… moving up the plans a bit.
Willis: He convinced you about… what all happened… in the…?
Slausson: Yes, she knows. You can say it.
Flaxen: Actually this gives me an unprecedented excuse to test one of my new gadgets. It’s a mind-body link transcoder. I might be able to monitor Mort’s actions in Hell.
Willis: You mean like telepathy?
Flaxen: No, not at all. I’ll be able to mentally monitor the… um…
Willis: Telepathy.
Flaxen: I don’t recall me being the one here who has to prove an unbelievable theory.
Slausson: Touché. So you really think this will work?
Flaxen: Perhaps better than expected, actually. I’ve been refining my latest batch of Bivoxolin, which has been shown to improve the mind-body link. We’ll add that to your serum. Did you ever name it? Your serum, that is?
Slausson: No.
Flaxen: You really need to name it. No wonder your funding’s been cut.
Slausson: Honey!
Flaxen: Facts now, tact later. According to what you said concerning your last two visits, you materialized just inside the Gates of Hell each time.
Slausson: That’s right.
Flaxen: If I can temporarily de-stabilize the mind-body link, I might be able to cause you to materialize somewhere else in Hell. That would give you long enough to get away from the Gates of Hell to a safer, less monitored place.
Winston: Dr. Slausson, Remind me again why we didn’t bring her on earlier?
* * * * *
Scene: Inside A Cave In Hell
Slausson: (materializing) (whispers) Honey, you really are a genius.
Flaxen: (unseen, distant) I know, my dear. I know.
Lawrence: (from just outside the cave) No, Satan. I don’t know where the human might be. But he is a double fool. Where would such a one go?
Satan: It would be well for you if you found him. You wouldn’t want me to make your existence a… living Hell, would you? Ha ha ha ha.
Lawrence: No, Master. I will be especially alertful.
Satan: See to it you don’t fail me.
(there is a sound of fire and brimstone from outside the cave as Satan vanishes, unseen by Slausson)
(Slausson breathes rapidly as Lawrence enters the cave)
Slausson: Lawrence. Good to see you again.
Lawrence: Master! I’ve found the hu- (Slausson covers Lawrence’s mouth)
Slausson: (struggling with Lawrence) You wouldn’t want to say anything stupid, would you?
Lawrence: (from between struggles) Mast-!
Slausson: You’d better not.
Lawrence: (breaks free) You can’t stop me. You’re just a human. You don’t know the limits of this place. I can bring you pain such as you never…
Flaxen: No you won’t!
Lawrence: What is…?
Slausson: (with renewed strength) (wrestling with Lawrence) Don’t worry about Satan, Lawrence. Worry about me. I can crush you. I can take anything you can throw at me. Or… I could maybe help you get out of here.
(outside the cave, fire begins raining down from above)
Demon 3: (outside the cave) The fire rain has begun. No more hiding in the caves. You know the rules. Come get your just reward.
(silent pause for a few seconds)
Lawrence: You, you would do that? You would help me escape from Hell?
Slausson: Maybe. Not because I care for you so much as it would be something I could show my boss. Honey, imagine if I could bring back a soul from Hell.
Flaxen: It might not be such a crazy idea. If I could manipulate his mind-body link on Earth like I did with yours in Hell, maybe we could bring him out of there.
Lawrence: Where is the woman? I hear a voice but there is no human.
Slausson: She’s back on Earth. You remember Earth, don’t you? Shady trees, lazy brooks filled with cold water. No flames to torture you for all time.
Lawrence: I can almost… No, you’re torturing me with memories. You work for Satan, don’t you? This is some cruel trick. The Master has outdone himself.
Flaxen: It’s no trick. I’m on Earth. I can hear every word you say.
Lawrence: I can… I can… Hope. I remember hope. You bring hope. Hope is so foreign here. You’ve given me the hope of more hope. I need more hope. Give me more hope. What must I do? Tell me!
* * * * *
Scene: In The Office
Slausson: Love, do you really think we could bring him back?
Flaxen: I can’t promise anything just yet, but maybe. The physics of that world are different than ours. But I think I might be able to reverse what I did with your psychoholistic makeup there and produce similar results with his psychoholistic structure here.
Slausson: Honey, thank you so much for doing this. I feel so energized. It’s like I’m wired on 30 cups of coffee.
Flaxen: Oh, yes. That was me. When you were fighting Lawrence in Hell, I was able to re-direct the balance of your mind-body link while I was manipulating it. I made you stronger. You must have brought some of that back with you.
Willis: You can DO that? You never told me you can do that.
Flaxen: No, I haven’t. Not with Earth humans, at least. But now I… (chuckle) Earth humans…
Slausson: Right? It’s a real mind-blow isn’t it?
Flaxen: With what I’m learning during your excursions, I might be able to do that here in time. I’ve learned so much, so fast. Working in another reality gives me the chance to prove or disprove crazy theories almost instantly. I think I just advanced psychoholistics by 20 years last night. It’s going to take me months to write down everything I’ve discovered.
Willis: Bu-ut…?
Flaxen: But for now, I’m focusing all my efforts on your visits to Hell. The rest will have to wait. But not too long, because the world needs these breakthroughs.
Slausson: An-nd?
Flaxen: “And” what?
Slausson: And we need to shoehorn a wedding ceremony in there as well, remember?
Flaxen: Egad! I’m turning into you.
Slausson: There are worse things.
Flaxen: Yes, I know. Like your body odor. It smells like something crawled up in you and died.
Slausson: You…
Flaxen: Yes, I realize you’ve been dead a few times recently. That’s not been lost on me. But you’re really starting to stink. I need you to go home and take a bath. And then get some sleep. We’ll continue in the morning.
Willis: I wasn’t going to say anything Dr. Slausson because you know, science.
Slausson: But we’re running out of time on the lab.
Flaxen: I’m aware of that. But I’ll need to spend the night revising my theories and tinkering with my P-H equipment. I was winging it with you in Hell. I’d like to be better prepared. But you need a bath and a good night’s sleep.
Slausson: But…!
Flaxen: “But” nothing. I’ll need you at your peak.
Willis: Don’t worry, Dr. Slausson. I’ll attend Dr. Flaxen in the lab. Hammer out theories, get coffee, whatever it takes.
Slausson: Thanks, Jim. And thank you Honey. I mean it.
Flaxen: GO!
* * * * *
Scene: Mordecai Slausson’s Apartment
(cell phone rings)
(Slausson fumbles blindly for the source of the sound several times before finding the phone)
Slausson: (dazed) Yeah-hum?
(the audience can’t quite hear the person on the other end)
Slausson: (suddenly alert) What KIND of accident?
(more unintelligible noises from the phone)
Slausson: (getting up to get dressed) Tell me on the way. I’ll be right there.
* * * * *
Scene: At The Lab
(Slausson enters)
(Willis is standing over something on the floor, unseen, presumably Francesca Flaxen’s dead body)
Willis: You’re here. You’re here. Close the door. Quickly.
Slausson: (closing the door) Tell me what happened.
Willis: We had just perfected, or at least thought we had perfected one of the formulas, and it was time for a small break to celebrate. Nothing crazy. I was down the hall at the coffee machine and I heard a noise. I came back, and… she was just lying there.
Slausson: No. no no no no this can’t be right.
Willis: I’ve been going over it in my head a million times in the last ten minutes. We weren’t being careless or stupid. Everything was perfectly normal. There was nothing I could do. There’s nothing for me to go back and fix. I just… I…
Slausson: No. Don’t beat yourself up. What do we do now?
Willis: Hear me out before you start yelling.
Slausson: (irritated) Why? What are you about to tell me?
Willis: I think we should hide the body. JUST for now! Listen, THINK about what she would have wanted. Also consider that she might be in Hell. And we had just worked on the means to bring Lawrence out of Hell. So it follows that…
Slausson: You’re right. I might be able to bring her back. And if she’s in Heaven, then there’s not a problem. Not for her at least.
Willis: That. Great minds.
Slausson: Maybe some of Francesca’s genius rubbed off on you. Mine sure hasn’t.
Willis: Whatever. You know what needs to happen. If we call the police they’ll just…
Slausson: Crime scene.
Willis: And if the investigation takes more than a few days, not to mention the extra scrutiny on both of us…
Slausson: All our work goes to waste. And we lose the chance to bring her back. She’ll be gone for good.
Willis: That.
Slausson: (looking down on the body, still unseen) Forgive me, My Love.
Willis: I’ll grab her legs.
* * * * *
Scene: Entry to Hell
Ka’alith: You will tell us what we want to know.
Flaxen: Never!
Satan: There is time, Ka’alith. She cannot long endure. She will talk presently.
(Slausson enters)
Ka’alith: (pointing) There, Lord Satan. There is the man.
Satan: You’ve been a bad boy, Mordecai.
Flaxen: Get out of here, Mort! It’s a trap!
Slausson: James, I’m still visible.
Willis: One moment. I’m still getting a feel for it.
Satan: Who is with you, Mordecai?
Flaxen: Mort, get out!
(Slausson disappears)
Satan: Curious how he continues to do that.
Ka’alith: (turns to Flaxen) Yes, Dark Lord. Very curious. Now you will talk, woman.
* * * * *
Scene: Inside A Cave in Hell
(Slausson appears)
Lawrence: You! Take me from this place now.
Slausson: No. I need to rescue Francesca first.
Lawrence: She belongs to Satan now. She cannot be recovered. Let us go now.
Slausson: Not yet. Why does Satan care so much about Francesca anyway?
Lawrence: Satan knows about your coming here. He knows about me talking to you. He knows about this cave. He knows everything. Hurry and get me out!
Slausson: If Satan knows everything, then he wouldn’t be pumping Francesca for information.
Lawrence: You made me dare to hope for hope. We must go now.
Slausson: I need to defeat Satan and get Francesca back.
Lawrence: That can’t be done. Unless maybe… No it can’t be done.
Slausson: Unless maybe what?
Satan: (from outside the cave) Look in this cave, Ka’alith. This Mordecai Slausson is very predictable.
Lawrence: Please I beg you. Let us leave now. I’ll tell you anything, but we can’t stay.
Slausson: Can we do it, James?
Willis: I think we can.
Ka’alith: (entering the cave) I can hear you in there.
Slausson: Do it.
(Slausson and Lawrence disappear)
* * * * *
Scene: At the Lab
(Lawrence is trying to enter)
Slausson: (wakes up) Lawrence! James, help him.
Willis: (wearing a helmet and working at a control panel) I’m trying. This is not the same as you materializing in Hell.
Lawrence: (unseen) Where am I? Why is this not working?
Slausson: It looks like your spirit is here but we can’t create a body for you.
Lawrence: No! That means my body is still in Hell. They will do unspeakable things to it.
Willis: I’m sorry. I don’t understand these controls as well as I’d like.
Lawrence: Mordecai, you promised me!
Slausson: And you promised to talk. I’m not going to apologize to you for anything. They have Francesca. We can’t bring you back without her. How do we get her away from Satan?
Lawrence: Can’t be done. Now make me real.
Slausson: Not good enough. I only brought you this far because you said you could help. No Francesca, no Lawrence. James, send him back.
Slausson: No! No! I’ll talk. I’ll tell you anything.
Lawrence: How can I kill Satan?
(silence for about 5 seconds)
Slausson: (Slausson is looking up at the ceiling, as if he could see Lawrence if he looks around long enough) I’m sorry I didn’t quite hear that. What did you say, Lawrence? Your one hope is trapped in Hell.
Lawrence: (weakly) There only MIGHT be a way.
Willis: Then I only MIGHT send you back.
Slausson: What will it be, Lawrence? Are you ready to talk?
* * * * *
Scene: Entry to Hell
(Slausson fully materializes)
Satan: I knew you couldn’t stay away, Mordecai.
Slausson: Where is she?
Satan: She’s safe. As safe as anyone can be in Hell.
Slausson: Bring her to me. Now.
Satan: You didn’t say please. So impatient.
Demon 1: Remember us, Timmy?
Demon 2: I think Timmy has forgotten us.
Slausson: I haven’t forgotten. Let’s discuss the matter, shall we?
(the demons rush Slausson)
(Slausson quickly overpowers them)
Satan: Impressive.
Slausson: You’re next. Now talk.
Satan: (disappearing) I hardly think so.
Willis: Not a problem. We were expecting this. You need to quickly get down to the Ninth Circle of Hell. And don’t worry about the flames. Your improved mind-body link should protect you for a while.
Slausson: How long is “a while”?
Willis: Who knows? Just don’t dawdle.
Slausson: I’m on it.
Willis: Then once you get there, if what Lawrence says can be trusted, then when you get within the Ninth Circle, you can attack Satan.
Slausson: Right.
* * * * *
Scene: Journey down into the depths of Hell
(Montage music begins: “Freedom” by Gun)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFw-C-vivlg
(Slausson overpowers various demons while fire rains from the sky)
(At 1:00 mark, the montage music fades much lower as the sounds of Slausson’s journey and fighting become audible. Around 2:00 mark, the montage music fades out completely.)
* * * * *
Scene: Ninth Circle of Hell, near Satan’s throne
Slausson: How am I doing on time?
Willis: You still have about a half an hour.
Slausson: I’m really starting to feel the heat, James. That mind-body juice is wearing off.
Willis: There’s nothing I can do about it now. I can’t inject any more Bivoxolin while your body’s still dead.
Slausson: Understood. Wait, I think I’m here. I see Satan’s throne.
Satan: (sitting on the throne) There’s none like it anywhere.
Flaxen: (from a small prison behind Satan’s throne) Mort! I’m over here!
Satan: Get past me and you can have her.
Slausson: You don’t look so tough. I’m unimpressed. I thought Satan was a mighty dragon.
Satan: And I thought you were pressed for time. But if you want to talk about it for, oh, a half hour or so, I don’t see why not.
Slausson: No more talking. No more games.
Satan: (getting up to fight) If you’re not careful you’re going to hurt my feelings.
(Slausson fights Satan for a while, but is quickly weakening. Satan shows no signs of weakness.)
Satan: You seem to be losing your touch.
Slausson: I can defeat you.
Satan: I’m still waiting for proof of that.
Flaxen: Mort, I know you can do it.
Slausson: I’m not going to let you win, Satan.
Satan: You have no idea how amusing this is to me. I truly despise all humans, but your pride and ignorance tickle me. I can’t be beaten.
Slausson: We’ll see about that.
Satan: (has Slausson in a headlock, whispers in his ear, smiling) You do realize I’m Satan, right?
Slausson: (struggling mightily) I’m… Not… Going… To…
Satan: (mocking) Can’t… Words… Mustn’t… Never… Loser…
Slausson: No! I will defeat you. I will save Francesca.
Flaxen: Mort, we’re losing you.
Slausson: (beginning to disappear) No! I’m so close.
Satan: I guess your friend’s calculations were off. Some hero you are.
Slausson: I can’t give up now.
Willis: It’s too late. You’re losing integrity. We’ll have to try again.
Satan: You know where to find me.
Slausson: I know where to KILL you.
(Slausson disappears)
* * * * *
Scene: In the Lab
Slausson: (waking up) Couldn’t you have given me a few more drops or something?
Willis: I can’t inject you when you’re already dead. You know that. I need to get the dosage right beforehand.
Slausson: Then make a dose for the full 26 hours. I’m going back in.
Willis: Sir, I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Slausson: You WILL do that.
Willis: First off, there’s no more serum. We’ll need to whip up a new batch. Second, you look like Hell. I can’t mean that any more literally than I do. And third, I feel like Hell. If I don’t get sleep I won’t be much help to you. And if you’re serious about killing Satan…
Slausson: I am.
Willis: Then you’re going to need all the help you can get. I’m going to go home and crash out. You go get a good meal, and a bath, and a good night’s sleep, and then another bath. We’ll pick this up tomorrow. No more stupid mistakes, like the dosage. If you’re serious, we need to GET serious.
Slausson: (making a fist, relaxing) No, you’re right James. I was just so close that time. She was right there.
Willis: Oh I know. I was there with you, remember?
Slausson: OK. We sleep hard like it’s our last night. We come back in tomorrow. We kill Satan.
Willis: When you say it that way, it kinda sounds insane.
Slausson: We’ll phrase it better in the morning.
Willis: Right. Let’s get out of here.
* * * * *
Scene: In the Lab
(Willis is already working)
(Slausson enters the room)
Slausson: How are we doing?
Willis: Lock the door, please?
Slausson: Right!
(Slausson locks the door)
Willis: I’ve still got Dr. Flaxen’s body in the refrigeration unit. It’s too far gone to restore. I’ve tried injecting some serum yesterday but…
Slausson: Of course. She needs to be alive when you inject it.
Willis: So our only hope there is bringing her soul back like we did with Lawrence and having her invent a way to establish a fresh body like you do when you go to Hell.
Slausson: I still don’t see how that’s possible, but if anyone could do it… Lawrence? Do you know if this is possible?
Willis: He’s gone.
Slausson: What? When?
Willis: You were nearing the Ninth Circle and he faded out. You seemed a bit busy so I didn’t bring it up.
Slausson: OK then we need to get Francesca back, and have her magically come up with a way to defy physics and spontaneously generate a new body from nothing.
Willis: After you kill Satan.
Slausson: And before Aiden Fulbright pulls the plug tomorrow.
Willis: Yeah. 1-2-3, easy as pie.
Slausson: It still sounds as insane as it did last night. We need to work on that. This time, I’m going directly to the Ninth Circle. Now that I know where it is.
Willis: The direct route. I like that.
Slausson: What about my power levels?
Willis: Of course this is all very experimental and dangerous beyond belief…
Slausson: Don’t care.
Willis: …but I’ve upped your dosage of Bivoxolin to increase your mind-body link. You should be three times stronger in Hell this time.
Slausson: Strong enough to kill Satan?
Willis: (slack-jawed pause) (exhale, shake head) Sir, there’s absolutely no way to tell. We’re well into irresistible force versus immovable object territory here. I’ll do what I can. That’s all I can promise. I mean, you ARE trying to kill Satan. We should both be committed.
Slausson: Tomorrow, after Fulbright shuts us down.
Willis: If we can’t get Dr. Flaxen back, insanity might be our best legal defense.
Slausson: We’re getting her back.
Willis: Right. Ready, sir?
Slausson: Not even close.
Willis: Good. Lie down and I’ll give you the injections.
* * * * *
Scene: Ninth Circle of Hell, near Satan’s throne
(Slausson appears)
Flaxen: (still imprisoned behind Satan’s throne) Mort, it’s another trap!
Slausson: What else would it be? Satan! Show yourself. Where are you?
Satan: (appearing from behind Slausson, and beginning to circle him) Look who’s back. It’s our good friend Mordecai Slausson. Or do you prefer “Timmy”?
Slausson: I’d prefer you dead.
Satan: You can’t kill The Devil.
Slausson: So they say. Let’s test that theory.
Satan: Have I mentioned that I find you amusing?
Slausson: Come closer. You’ll think I’m absolutely hysterical.
(Slausson grabs Satan and quickly puts him into a choke hold)
Slausson: That was easier than I thought. I’m taking Francesca back with me.
Satan: You’re right in the fact that the two of you will be in the same place.
Slausson: No more games. Release her immediately.
Satan: I take orders from you now? How adorable.
Slausson: Enough of this. I came here to kill you. Might as well do it now.
(Slausson increases the pressure on the choke hold. Satan resists for a few moments and then slumps over, seemingly dead.)
(Slausson looks down in satisfaction for four seconds, and then remembers Francesca.)
Slausson: (running over to Francesca) It’s over, Love. We’re getting out of here.
Flaxen: Oh, Mort…
Slausson: I love you too.
(Slausson looks for a way to free Dr. Flaxen from her imprisonment.)
Flaxen: (crying) Honey, it’s not over.
Slausson: What do you mean?
(Flaxen points behind Slausson.)
Slausson: (turning slowly) So you weren’t dead after all. No problem. I’ll just…
(Slausson finishes turning around and sees Dr. Willis standing there.)
Slausson: What…?
Willis: Forgive me, Dr. Slausson.
Slausson: Forg… for what?
(Satan laughs loudly as he approaches.)
Willis: Satan promised me unimaginable fame and fortune. I was going to take credit for you work.
Slausson: (to Willis) You… you’ve been working with Satan? I don’t understand.
Willis: He promised a lot of money and recognition. Dr. Flaxen was about to find out what I was up to so I poisoned her coffee.
Flaxen: That was you? When I was dying you told me it was a heart attack. You called 9-1-1.
Willis: No I didn’t. That was a fake call. We didn’t tell anyone. Your body is still in the lab.
Slausson: When I get back I’m going to kill you for real.
Willis: There is no getting back. I stabbed you in the heart just now. When your 26 hours are up, you’ll bleed out like a fire hydrant.
Satan: (laughing) This is all so delicious.
Slausson: So what then? You get all the credit for my work? How are you going to explain the bodies in the lab?
Willis: I won’t. Just as I was killing you, a security guard came in and shot me in the act. I’m dead, Dr. Slausson. (to Satan) By the way, you lied to me. Where’s my fame and fortune?
Satan: Oh, you must have missed the part where I’m THE DEVIL! I’m the Father of All Lies. I must say I find your confusion enjoyable. But you will get fame, of a sort. You’re the man who killed Francesca Flaxen and Mordecai Slausson – the two greatest humanitarians of our generation. You’ll soon be a household name. You’re the man who killed the people who killed Death.
Slausson: So James, you’re really dead?
Satan: Yes, he’s dead. And she’s dead. And now you’re dead too, Mordecai. Everyone’s dead. Isn’t that wonderful?
Slausson: No. This isn’t wonderful at all. This is all your doing, Satan.
Satan: Yes. Yes it is. Now I really hate to kill and run, but I’ve got important things to do.
Slausson: Then I’ll just kill you again.
(Slausson tries to grab Satan. Satan knocks him about 20 feet with an effortless wave of his hand.)
Satan: I told you before. I’m Satan. You can’t kill The Devil. Your precious serum will wear off soon enough. Oh, and I made sure that guard will turn your formula over to Aiden Fulbright.
Slausson: My formula?
Satan: Oh yes. I have plans. Dr. Fulbright is going to get filthy rich selling your formula to the military. And they will use it in combat to save lives.
Slausson: At least that much good will come of it.
Satan: Yes, that much good. Imagine thousands of soldiers getting injured on the battlefield and being injected with your serum, and then coming back to life in a field hospital. Coming back to life with no soul, that is.
Willis: Wait, what?
Satan: They will come here and become my pets. And then I will send one of my demons to take their place back on earth. Every soldier who uses the serum will become a living demon, and I get their souls.
Flaxen: No…
Satan: And I’ll make sure they all use it. Soon we’ll make it part of their basic training. Everyone has to take the training. An army of living demons, doing my bidding. Oh they’ll all act normal – at first – so nobody suspects anything.
Slausson: This can’t be.
Satan: And then I’ll introduce it to the civilian populace. Hospitals all over the world will be injecting patients with your serum.
Slausson: People will know if doctors are killing patients and bringing them back to life.
Satan: A ten second dosage is all we need. They don’t need to be dead for 26 hours. Put them in a private room somewhere. Make sure there’s no heart monitor. Tell them it’s a sedative. Inject them. So simple.
Willis: There would be… billions of people going to Hell!
Satan: And I have billions of demons ready to replace them. This will be such fun. Like I told you before, I have much to do. Evil never sleeps. I must leave now. I have an invasion to plan. The Devil is in the details, after all.
Slausson: I’ll stop you.
Satan: You still don’t understand. You’re mine now. You’re powerless in my realm. Didn’t Lawrence tell you? You were a double fool for coming back here. If you were still alive, you alone would have noticed the change in the soldiers taking the serum. Now, nobody will suspect a thing. Stop me? You’ve single-handedly made my invasion possible.
(Satan disappears.)
Willis: For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.
Slausson: (turns slowly and wearily toward Willis) James, we’re in Hell. What possible good can forgiveness do anyone here?
(Willis hangs his head in grief.)
(From her prison, Flaxen is crying behind them.)
Slausson: I don’t suppose you brought any ice water? I could use a glass.
(Pan back, and hear the cries of a million tortured souls added to theirs.)
END
Characters:
• Dr. Mordecai “Mort” Slausson is the leading expert in regenerative nanobiology. He has been working for the last 6 years on a serum that will reduce a patient’s bodily function to the point where it becomes indistinguishable with death.
• Dr. James David Willis is Dr. Slausson’s assistant.
• Dr. Aiden Ardmore Fulbright is the department director for the laboratory and the entire facility.
• Dr. Francesca Flaxen is the leading expert in psychoholistics, or the science of healing the mind-body union. She is dating Dr. Slausson.
• William J. Brently (Esq.) is the department’s legal officer. (character not used in story)
• Lawrence (last name unknown) is a soul that has been tortured in Hell for hundreds of years.
* * * * *
Scene: In the Lab
Slausson: (looking through a set of microscope lenses) How about batch number 10, James?
Willis: (checking various readouts on his computer screens) Non-responsive, Dr. Slausson.
Slausson: But it HAS to work!
Willis: Sir, I can only tell you what the results indicate.
Slausson: Yeah, I didn’t mean you. It’s just… you know. The usual.
Willis: The budget cuts?
Slausson: Is it ever anything else? Sometimes I wish I was a janitor. I bet they never have to deal with budgetary pressures.
Willis: Do I need to give you the speech?
Slausson: No, I just… Yeah give me the speech.
Willis: Dr. Slausson, your work in regenerative nanobiology has already saved countless lives and promises a richer world for the entirety of Mankind. Your breakthroughs have been nothing short of astonishing. To say that you’re wise beyond your years would be an unforgivable understatement. A world without Dr. Slausson would be a cold, gray, bleak…
Slausson: I think that will be enough. We wouldn’t want my huge ego to be the next problem, do we? That’s much harder to fix.
Willis: Speak of the devil…
Flaxen: (entering the lab) Is this a bad time, Mort?
Slausson: (stepping away from the microscope) Never for you, Love. What’s on your gorgeous mind?
Flaxen: I wanted to remind you of that dinner you promised me tonight.
Slausson: Oh, no! Was that tonight? I’ve got a million things…
Flaxen: Mort…
Slausson: I’m kidding, my dear. James would you be so kind as to…
Willis: Yeah yeah, work through the night. You’re lucky I have no life.
Slausson: Luck has nothing to do with it. I screened your résumé.
Willis: You better have fun tonight. Make this all worth my suffering for the Cause.
* * * * *
Scene: At Dinner
Slausson: (waving his hand over a wine glass) No more for me. I’m driving.
Waiter: Of course, sir. I’ll be back with the check.
Slausson: Thank you.
Flaxen: You still haven’t answered my question.
Slausson: I’m so sorry, Francesca. But you know I still need a little time. What do you want me to say, that I’ll marry you next week? We’re under constant budgetary pressures at the lab. You know this.
Flaxen: There’s never a “good” time. I’m not going to wait until I’m old and gray before you make good on that proposal. Tick Tock.
Slausson: Honey, I’m sooo close I can taste it. Look, once I perfect this formula I’ll become a household name. I’ll never have to worry about a job again. I could write my own ticket.
Flaxen: Will you honor that ticket, once written, like the one you wrote for me?
Slausson: I WILL make good on my promise, Love. You have to trust me, just for a little while.
Flaxen: Mort, I…
Slausson: Just a little while. I promise. We’re holding a press conference tomorrow. I’d like you to come. You’ll see.
Flaxen: Mort if it’s about the money, I have plenty saved up. We can live off my income and…
Slausson: NO! I mean… No Love it’s not about the money. It’s something I have to do. This is eating me up inside. If I don’t do this now I’ll bust.
Flaxen: Join the club.
Slausson: Please don’t be that way. (kisses her hand) I’m going to make good on every promise. Come Hell or high water I’m going to perfect this treatment and I’ll have so much more time for you. I mean it.
Flaxen: You’d better mean it.
Slausson: So you’ll come to the press conference?
Flaxen: I’ll think about it.
Waiter: Your check, sir.
Slausson: Ah, thank you my good man.
* * * * *
Scene: The Press Conference
Slausson: So you see, this treatment has a wide range of applications. The most immediate, and profitable, will be for injured soldiers. Imagine a soldier getting shot in the heart on the battlefield. Another soldier gives him the formula and his life functions cease for 26 hours. He comes back to life in a field hospital with a new heart already installed.
Reporter 1: So the military has shown an interest in this?
Slausson: Yes, we already have a thousand back-orders. With economies of scale, we could extend the licensing to the civilian sector and virtually eliminate all forms of traumatic death within a few years. This could change everything.
Reporter 2: What inspired you to create this formula?
Slausson: I once read a book where a super wealthy rock star was spending the year dead for tax purposes. They had him hooked up to a death-support system. My formula won’t be able to keep you dead for a year, but it will give you enough time to reach a proper facility and get emergency surgery.
Reporter 1: And how soon will this drug be ready for human testing?
Slausson: (looking up at Fulbright, entering the room, who is making a cut-throat motion) Soon. It’s too early to give an exact date, but we’re hopefully optimistic. I’m sorry but that will be all the questions I can…
Reporter 2: Dr. Slausson, Dr. Slausson, is it true that the latest round of budget cuts is…
Slausson: No more questions. Thank you.
Reporter 1: Dr. Slausson!
Slausson: (smiles and waves) Thank you.
* * * * *
Scene: After The Press Conference
Flaxen: Honey, you were wonderful.
Slausson: Aren’t I always?
Flaxen: Ooh! All this and humble too!
Fulbright: Mordecai, I need a word.
Slausson: Of course. Dr. Flaxen here was just remarking how…
Fulbright: In private. Thank you Dr. Flaxen.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Flaxen: What’s wrong, Mort?
Slausson: (furious) Those fools! Those idiots! What gives them the right?
Flaxen: What did Dr. Fulbright say?
Slausson: (with a look of helplessness and hopelessness) He… actually…
Flaxen: Oh, Honey! No!
Slausson: He’s an idiot. They’re ALL idiots. Can’t they see the impact this could have on society?
Flaxen: There are other companies. You’ve already made your name for yourself. There are companies with deep R&D pockets. They won’t cut your budget. You could start over. You could…
Slausson: All my work is proprietary. If I try to create this formula at another company, they can sue me. There’s a two year restraint. By then someone else will have perfected their own formula.
Flaxen: Mort, there HAS to be a way.
Slausson: (chuckles) This is like the guy who tried to swim from New York to France. He got 10 miles from the coast of France, decided he couldn’t make it, and swam back.
Flaxen: Maybe I can talk to Dr. Fulbright. There has to be another place to cut funding.
Slausson: I was SOOOO CLOSE! This is maddening!
Flaxen: (leaning in for a hug, and stroking the back of Dr. Slausson’s head) I know, darling. I know. We’ll work this out. We have to.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Office
Willis: So that’s it then? 5 years working on this formula and it’s all for nothing? I’m not even sure how to put this on my résumé. Maybe next to “pathetic loser with no life”.
Slausson: I’ll be right behind you, holding a sign that says “Will ALMOST cure death for food”.
Willis: And you’ve tried everything?
Slausson: I pulled every string, called in every favor. Francesca practically threw herself at Dr. Fulbright to get him to change his mind. There’s just no more money.
Willis: And it runs out?
Slausson: The end of this month. Actually the day before is the end of the two-week period. You know how accountants are.
Willis: Of course. I’m a pathetic loser with no life.
Slausson: Yeah, about that… What’s that reading on your screen?
Willis: Where? You mean this one? That sample died. They die a lot.
Slausson: Yeah, they do don’t they? What if we were looking in the wrong place this whole time?
Willis: It’s too late. They already cut funding.
Slausson: No, I’m just saying. What if this was the answer all along?
Willis: No. Don’t you even dare. They’re laying us off. If you perfect the formula now, they get all the money and we get nothing. Pardon me for being just a bit ungrateful, but it’s too late in the day for you to have one of your flashes of inspiration.
Slausson: I just gotta know. And besides, the world needs this drug.
Willis: You’re cutting your own throat – which I don’t particularly mind, but you’re cutting my throat as well.
Slausson: Unless…
Willis: Don’t say it. Don’t you even say it.
Slausson: Say what?
Willis: I know what you’re thinking. Everyone knows what you’re thinking. You practically said it at the press briefing. Using the drug on yourself is the stupidest thing imaginable.
Slausson: Was I that obvious?
Willis: Tom mentioned that they have a betting pool. He’s got you down for 8:00 tonight.
Slausson: And you think that’s a horrible idea.
Willis: Yeah I do. At least until 10:00. You know. I need the money more than Tom does. What with being laid off and all.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Willis: I have the dosage set for one hour.
Slausson: That should be fine.
Wilson: (hooking up a series of wiring harnesses to Slausson) Just two more wires and… How’s that?
Slausson: I feel like a ball of yarn.
Wilson: Perfect. I’ll be monitoring your vitals. Nighty night.
Slausson: (inhales sharply) This had better work.
(fade out to gray)
* * * * *
Scene: Entry To Hell
Demon 1: A new arrival! Ha ha! He’s mine! I saw him first!
Demon 2: We have to present him to the higher order demon. You know the rules.
Demon 1: This one doesn’t look like he belongs. How did you get here, Timmy?
Slausson: Where am I?
(there is an inescapable sound of moaning and suffering, coming from all directions)
Demon 1: It’s so funny how they never understand where they are. You’re at the circus, Timmy.
Demon 2: (grabbing Slausson) No, you’re at your mother’s house. She’s making apple pie.
Slausson: You’re, you’re… This is Hell. I need to get out of here!
Demon 2: It’s even funnier when they think they can leave. Do you see an exit door, Timmy?
Demon 1: Ha ha, yeah! Exit door, Timmy. Just go out the exit door, Timmy.
Slausson: (breaking free from the demons) No, this is all wrong. I’m not here for your amusement.
Demon 2: You could have fooled me, Timmy. Get over here and amuse us.
Demon 1: This one still has some life left in him. Let us lay hold of him.
Slausson: (fighting) Like hell you will. (breaks fully free of the demons)
Demon 1: He’s getting away, Ba’alzorn! Nobody gets away from us.
Demon 2: Nobody gets away from us, Timmy.
Slausson: (kicks Demon 2) I do.
Demon 1: That’s not possible. How are you able to resist? Who can do such a thing?
Slausson: (overpowers Demon 1) (sarcastic) I guess I’m TIMMY.
(both demons are unconscious)
(there is a large gateway, but both doors are closed)
Slausson: (trying to open the Gates of Hell) How do I get out of here?
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Willis: Wakey, wakey.
Slausson: (jumps up, startled, panicking, breathing very hard) Where… James? Is that you?
Willis: Who else would it be?
Slausson: It’s really you.
Willis: Of course it is. What happened?
Slausson: I’m not… I don’t think you’ll believe me if I told you.
Willis: Try me.
Slausson: (dead serious death stare at Willis) Hell. I was in Hell.
Willis: (pause) (whispers) Then that means…
Slausson: Yes. It’s all true. It’s not a fairy tale. I was there.
Willis: And you’re absolutely sure it’s not just the effect of the body breaking down at the moment of death?
Slausson: No, it wasn’t some psychotic dream or a bunch of random colors. It was real. It was a place. I was aware of myself. I was aware of the passing of time. It was…
Willis: It was what?
Slausson: (dead serious look) There were… others. I wasn’t alone.
Willis: As in other people suffering in Hell?
Slausson: That too. James, I had to fight demons. I was literally in a fist fight with demons. Real demons, James. (Slausson is now breathing hard again)
Willis: OK, OK. I believe you. Calm down already. You’re here back in the real world.
Slausson: It was very real.
Willis: No, I believe you. Really. I’m convinced. I wish I wasn’t so convinced. You’re really creeping me out, Dr. Slausson.
Slausson: I have to tell Dr. Fulbright about this. I have to let him know about the…
Willis: No, you don’t.
Slausson: What do you mean? Of course I do. The implications here are…
Willis: MORT! Listen to me. You know Dr. Fulbright never believed in you. He never believed you could make this formula work. Do you think for a second that he’s going to buy anything you tell him about a journey to Hell? And from a scientist who used his own drug on himself? There’s nothing worse.
Slausson: Well he, I mean… Oh. You’re right. He only backed my work so long as the easy money rolled in from the military. I need proof.
Willis: Proof? How are you going to prove Hell is real?
Slausson: If we test for those psychotropic chemicals when the body breaks down, and make sure they’re all zero while I’m out, that will rule it out. I wasn’t decomposing, only dead. Then he won’t be able to claim it’s a hallucination.
Willis: That’s an excellent idea. We should have tested for them the last… Dr. Slausson, no. That’s a horrible idea. You can't possibly be suggesting that you want to go BACK there, are you?
Slausson: It’s the only way. I can’t let my formula die because of a few short-sighted beancounters turning off the money. The world needs this formula.
Willis: Not if soldiers end up experiencing Hell.
Slausson: That’s where you come in. I’m going to want a report of every chemical in my blood when I’m dead. In time we can tweak the formula so people don’t go to Hell at all.
Willis: Sir, with all due respect, we’re not that smart! We can’t just turn off Hell with a chemical concoction.
Slausson: Why not? We turned it on with a chemical concoction. We have to do this, James. Think about your résumé. “He helped discovered Hell – completely ignored same.”
Willis: (grunts and groans, unwilling to accept the facts) Mmmmnnnn…I hate it when you’re right.
Slausson: You ought to try hating something that doesn’t happen so often instead.
* * * * *
Scene: Entry To Hell
(Slausson materializes)
(the previous two demons are talking to a higher order demon)
Demon 2: He’s telling the truth, Ka’alith. The human somehow escaped. He was… Behold, there he is! (points at Slausson)
Slausson: (immediately attacks all three demons, knocking them unconscious) I sure hope James can make this worth my while.
(Slausson walks past the demons, to get a better look at Hell, from a patch of high ground.)
Lawrence: Come over here! You. Come over here now.
Slausson: (approaching Lawrence) Who are you?
Lawrence: I’ve been here for 600 years now, awaiting my judgment. My name is Lawrence.
Slausson: Your judgment? What can they do to you? You’re already in Hell.
Lawrence: Ha ha. You make me laugh, Mordecai. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve laughed?
Slausson: How do you know my name?
Lawrence: (distrusting) You… don’t really… know do you? You really don’t belong here do you?
Slausson: No I don’t belong here. Now tell me how you know my name.
Lawrence: (looking around) Not here. Come with me. Come quickly.
* * * * *
Scene: Inside A Cave in Hell
Slausson: So let me get this straight. Everyone here knows everyone else’s name?
Lawrence: Yes. After death, the soul is laid bare. I know who you are, Mordecai Slausson.
Slausson: And how exactly does that work? Am I wearing an invisible name tag?
Lawrence: It just is. And that is how I knew you didn’t belong here. Are you somehow still alive?
Slausson: Yes. No. Sort of. Look, it’s complicated. Wait, so then why were those demons calling me Timmy?
Lawrence: The demons are cruel. All else follows.
Slausson: How can you stand it here? It’s so hot. Everything is so hot!
Lawrence: This cave is one of the better places in Hell. Soon it will rain fire from above. The fire clings to our skin. There are so many types of torment, but the flames are the worst.
Slausson: Seriously?
Lawrence: How can you not know of Hell?
Slausson: What was that you were saying about a judgment?
Lawrence: Hell is not the end, my friend. They tell you it is, but there’s something worse. Hell is just a temporary holding pen. When the Lamb proclaims the final judgment, we will be cast into the Lake of Fire. That’s the real Hell. That’s where we spend eternity.
Slausson: Worse than this?
Lawrence: What part of “Lake of Fire” has you confused? It will be much worse than this.
Slausson: You know my name. Do you happen to have any special insight into how I can correct my formula? I’m trying to skip the whole Hell part.
Lawrence: I have no special knowledge of your employment. All I can say is that you were a fool for coming here, and a double fool for coming back.
Slausson: I might need to come back again. Is there any way to…
Lawrence: How can one man be so stupid? If you have a way out of here, then leave and never come back.
Slausson: I know but I need to fix my formula. It’s my life’s work.
Lawrence: What is a life compared to eternity? You live you die the end. That fast. You would lose your soul to finish some formula? No, even if they offered you the whole world it’s not worth losing your soul. Are they offering you the whole world?
Slausson: No but…
Lawrence: Then leave and never come back. I can see on your face you’re still thinking about it. What’s to think about? If I had an escape, I would take it. I would go back and live a righteous life before God and go to Heaven. How hard is it to be righteous for the 3 seconds or so that you call “life”? You’re still thinking about it. You’re worse than a double fool.
Slausson: I need a weapon to attack the demons for the next time I come here.
Lawrence: Don’t you realize what you’ve done? You just attacked a higher order demon. When you return, if you truly are that foolish, you’re likely to find Satan waiting for you.
Slausson: I’m tough. I can take any demon my size.
Lawrence: This may be true, but Satan doesn’t come in your size. Have you never read about him? He’s a ravenous wolf. He’s a mighty dragon. He’s a roaring lion, devouring who he will. You can’t fight him.
Slausson: I have to try.
Lawrence: No, you really don’t. Go back to the world of the living. Join a monastery. Become a missionary. Read from the… the um…
Slausson: The Bible?
Lawrence: Yes, that. Read from what you said. Just don’t ever return here.
Slausson: I can’t do that.
Lawrence: Then you are doomed. Satan will capture you and not let go. You’ll be as me.
Slausson: Not if I take precautions. If I could find a –
(Slausson disappears from the cave suddenly)
* * * * *
Willis: Well?
Slausson: (pulling the electrodes from his chest) Hell’s still there. I need some sleep.
Willis: Yeah… See you tomorrow I guess.
Slausson: Goodnight.
* * * * *
Scene: Dr. Flaxen’s Apartment
Flaxen: How can I possibly believe any of that?
Slausson: When have I ever lied to you?
Flaxen: I know, but... Hell? How can anyone possibly…?
Slausson: Honey, I’ve been in a sort of a daze all night, kind of like a waking dream-nightmare. It’s hard to get that place out of my mind.
Flaxen: That’s not helping your case. There are some who might call you delusional.
Slausson: I know. Believe me I know. But that’s where you come in.
Flaxen: Me? Don’t drag me into this.
Slausson: Hear me out. For one second put your preconceptions to the side and think of this as a purely scientific proposal.
Flaxen: But, “Hell”?
Slausson: Preconceptions…
Flaxen: OK you have… ten, no five, minutes to convince me.
Slausson: Love, it’s no exaggeration to say that you’re at the bleeding edge of psychoholistics. Your body of work is amazing.
Flaxen: Four.
Slausson: When I was in Hell, my body was still here, in a drug-induced death coma. But I could still see and hear things there. I was tangible. I met others. I had a body.
Flaxen: Three.
Slausson: Your clock’s a little fast.
Flaxen: Yours is a little slow. But we’ll talk about that some more later.
Slausson: Anyway, what I’m saying is that when I got there I must have established a new mind-body link that didn’t previously exist. So I was thinking…
Flaxen: (gasps) (whispers) Honey, you’re a genius.
Slausson: So you’ll help me?
Flaxen: How can I say no? You’re giving me a testing ground that nobody in the world has.
Slausson: You don’t know how much this means to me.
Flaxen: To us, Honey. To us. You know, if we can pull this off, you will have officially run out of excuses.
Slausson: They were never excuses. I will marry you. You’ll see.
Flaxen: You’d better.
* * * * *
Scene: In The Lab
Flaxen: You really do look worn out, honey. Are you sure you won’t catch just a few hours of sleep? Just a few?
Slausson: They’re pulling the plug on this lab in a few days. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Literally.
Flaxen: Not funny. There’s no bodily rejuvenation during the death cycle. I HAVE read your notes, you know.
Slausson: I’m sorry, Love. I’ll be good. Now are you sure that the…
Willis: (entering) What’s all this then? Did I not get invited to the party?
Flaxen: Mort and I are… moving up the plans a bit.
Willis: He convinced you about… what all happened… in the…?
Slausson: Yes, she knows. You can say it.
Flaxen: Actually this gives me an unprecedented excuse to test one of my new gadgets. It’s a mind-body link transcoder. I might be able to monitor Mort’s actions in Hell.
Willis: You mean like telepathy?
Flaxen: No, not at all. I’ll be able to mentally monitor the… um…
Willis: Telepathy.
Flaxen: I don’t recall me being the one here who has to prove an unbelievable theory.
Slausson: Touché. So you really think this will work?
Flaxen: Perhaps better than expected, actually. I’ve been refining my latest batch of Bivoxolin, which has been shown to improve the mind-body link. We’ll add that to your serum. Did you ever name it? Your serum, that is?
Slausson: No.
Flaxen: You really need to name it. No wonder your funding’s been cut.
Slausson: Honey!
Flaxen: Facts now, tact later. According to what you said concerning your last two visits, you materialized just inside the Gates of Hell each time.
Slausson: That’s right.
Flaxen: If I can temporarily de-stabilize the mind-body link, I might be able to cause you to materialize somewhere else in Hell. That would give you long enough to get away from the Gates of Hell to a safer, less monitored place.
Winston: Dr. Slausson, Remind me again why we didn’t bring her on earlier?
* * * * *
Scene: Inside A Cave In Hell
Slausson: (materializing) (whispers) Honey, you really are a genius.
Flaxen: (unseen, distant) I know, my dear. I know.
Lawrence: (from just outside the cave) No, Satan. I don’t know where the human might be. But he is a double fool. Where would such a one go?
Satan: It would be well for you if you found him. You wouldn’t want me to make your existence a… living Hell, would you? Ha ha ha ha.
Lawrence: No, Master. I will be especially alertful.
Satan: See to it you don’t fail me.
(there is a sound of fire and brimstone from outside the cave as Satan vanishes, unseen by Slausson)
(Slausson breathes rapidly as Lawrence enters the cave)
Slausson: Lawrence. Good to see you again.
Lawrence: Master! I’ve found the hu- (Slausson covers Lawrence’s mouth)
Slausson: (struggling with Lawrence) You wouldn’t want to say anything stupid, would you?
Lawrence: (from between struggles) Mast-!
Slausson: You’d better not.
Lawrence: (breaks free) You can’t stop me. You’re just a human. You don’t know the limits of this place. I can bring you pain such as you never…
Flaxen: No you won’t!
Lawrence: What is…?
Slausson: (with renewed strength) (wrestling with Lawrence) Don’t worry about Satan, Lawrence. Worry about me. I can crush you. I can take anything you can throw at me. Or… I could maybe help you get out of here.
(outside the cave, fire begins raining down from above)
Demon 3: (outside the cave) The fire rain has begun. No more hiding in the caves. You know the rules. Come get your just reward.
(silent pause for a few seconds)
Lawrence: You, you would do that? You would help me escape from Hell?
Slausson: Maybe. Not because I care for you so much as it would be something I could show my boss. Honey, imagine if I could bring back a soul from Hell.
Flaxen: It might not be such a crazy idea. If I could manipulate his mind-body link on Earth like I did with yours in Hell, maybe we could bring him out of there.
Lawrence: Where is the woman? I hear a voice but there is no human.
Slausson: She’s back on Earth. You remember Earth, don’t you? Shady trees, lazy brooks filled with cold water. No flames to torture you for all time.
Lawrence: I can almost… No, you’re torturing me with memories. You work for Satan, don’t you? This is some cruel trick. The Master has outdone himself.
Flaxen: It’s no trick. I’m on Earth. I can hear every word you say.
Lawrence: I can… I can… Hope. I remember hope. You bring hope. Hope is so foreign here. You’ve given me the hope of more hope. I need more hope. Give me more hope. What must I do? Tell me!
* * * * *
Scene: In The Office
Slausson: Love, do you really think we could bring him back?
Flaxen: I can’t promise anything just yet, but maybe. The physics of that world are different than ours. But I think I might be able to reverse what I did with your psychoholistic makeup there and produce similar results with his psychoholistic structure here.
Slausson: Honey, thank you so much for doing this. I feel so energized. It’s like I’m wired on 30 cups of coffee.
Flaxen: Oh, yes. That was me. When you were fighting Lawrence in Hell, I was able to re-direct the balance of your mind-body link while I was manipulating it. I made you stronger. You must have brought some of that back with you.
Willis: You can DO that? You never told me you can do that.
Flaxen: No, I haven’t. Not with Earth humans, at least. But now I… (chuckle) Earth humans…
Slausson: Right? It’s a real mind-blow isn’t it?
Flaxen: With what I’m learning during your excursions, I might be able to do that here in time. I’ve learned so much, so fast. Working in another reality gives me the chance to prove or disprove crazy theories almost instantly. I think I just advanced psychoholistics by 20 years last night. It’s going to take me months to write down everything I’ve discovered.
Willis: Bu-ut…?
Flaxen: But for now, I’m focusing all my efforts on your visits to Hell. The rest will have to wait. But not too long, because the world needs these breakthroughs.
Slausson: An-nd?
Flaxen: “And” what?
Slausson: And we need to shoehorn a wedding ceremony in there as well, remember?
Flaxen: Egad! I’m turning into you.
Slausson: There are worse things.
Flaxen: Yes, I know. Like your body odor. It smells like something crawled up in you and died.
Slausson: You…
Flaxen: Yes, I realize you’ve been dead a few times recently. That’s not been lost on me. But you’re really starting to stink. I need you to go home and take a bath. And then get some sleep. We’ll continue in the morning.
Willis: I wasn’t going to say anything Dr. Slausson because you know, science.
Slausson: But we’re running out of time on the lab.
Flaxen: I’m aware of that. But I’ll need to spend the night revising my theories and tinkering with my P-H equipment. I was winging it with you in Hell. I’d like to be better prepared. But you need a bath and a good night’s sleep.
Slausson: But…!
Flaxen: “But” nothing. I’ll need you at your peak.
Willis: Don’t worry, Dr. Slausson. I’ll attend Dr. Flaxen in the lab. Hammer out theories, get coffee, whatever it takes.
Slausson: Thanks, Jim. And thank you Honey. I mean it.
Flaxen: GO!
* * * * *
Scene: Mordecai Slausson’s Apartment
(cell phone rings)
(Slausson fumbles blindly for the source of the sound several times before finding the phone)
Slausson: (dazed) Yeah-hum?
(the audience can’t quite hear the person on the other end)
Slausson: (suddenly alert) What KIND of accident?
(more unintelligible noises from the phone)
Slausson: (getting up to get dressed) Tell me on the way. I’ll be right there.
* * * * *
Scene: At The Lab
(Slausson enters)
(Willis is standing over something on the floor, unseen, presumably Francesca Flaxen’s dead body)
Willis: You’re here. You’re here. Close the door. Quickly.
Slausson: (closing the door) Tell me what happened.
Willis: We had just perfected, or at least thought we had perfected one of the formulas, and it was time for a small break to celebrate. Nothing crazy. I was down the hall at the coffee machine and I heard a noise. I came back, and… she was just lying there.
Slausson: No. no no no no this can’t be right.
Willis: I’ve been going over it in my head a million times in the last ten minutes. We weren’t being careless or stupid. Everything was perfectly normal. There was nothing I could do. There’s nothing for me to go back and fix. I just… I…
Slausson: No. Don’t beat yourself up. What do we do now?
Willis: Hear me out before you start yelling.
Slausson: (irritated) Why? What are you about to tell me?
Willis: I think we should hide the body. JUST for now! Listen, THINK about what she would have wanted. Also consider that she might be in Hell. And we had just worked on the means to bring Lawrence out of Hell. So it follows that…
Slausson: You’re right. I might be able to bring her back. And if she’s in Heaven, then there’s not a problem. Not for her at least.
Willis: That. Great minds.
Slausson: Maybe some of Francesca’s genius rubbed off on you. Mine sure hasn’t.
Willis: Whatever. You know what needs to happen. If we call the police they’ll just…
Slausson: Crime scene.
Willis: And if the investigation takes more than a few days, not to mention the extra scrutiny on both of us…
Slausson: All our work goes to waste. And we lose the chance to bring her back. She’ll be gone for good.
Willis: That.
Slausson: (looking down on the body, still unseen) Forgive me, My Love.
Willis: I’ll grab her legs.
* * * * *
Scene: Entry to Hell
Ka’alith: You will tell us what we want to know.
Flaxen: Never!
Satan: There is time, Ka’alith. She cannot long endure. She will talk presently.
(Slausson enters)
Ka’alith: (pointing) There, Lord Satan. There is the man.
Satan: You’ve been a bad boy, Mordecai.
Flaxen: Get out of here, Mort! It’s a trap!
Slausson: James, I’m still visible.
Willis: One moment. I’m still getting a feel for it.
Satan: Who is with you, Mordecai?
Flaxen: Mort, get out!
(Slausson disappears)
Satan: Curious how he continues to do that.
Ka’alith: (turns to Flaxen) Yes, Dark Lord. Very curious. Now you will talk, woman.
* * * * *
Scene: Inside A Cave in Hell
(Slausson appears)
Lawrence: You! Take me from this place now.
Slausson: No. I need to rescue Francesca first.
Lawrence: She belongs to Satan now. She cannot be recovered. Let us go now.
Slausson: Not yet. Why does Satan care so much about Francesca anyway?
Lawrence: Satan knows about your coming here. He knows about me talking to you. He knows about this cave. He knows everything. Hurry and get me out!
Slausson: If Satan knows everything, then he wouldn’t be pumping Francesca for information.
Lawrence: You made me dare to hope for hope. We must go now.
Slausson: I need to defeat Satan and get Francesca back.
Lawrence: That can’t be done. Unless maybe… No it can’t be done.
Slausson: Unless maybe what?
Satan: (from outside the cave) Look in this cave, Ka’alith. This Mordecai Slausson is very predictable.
Lawrence: Please I beg you. Let us leave now. I’ll tell you anything, but we can’t stay.
Slausson: Can we do it, James?
Willis: I think we can.
Ka’alith: (entering the cave) I can hear you in there.
Slausson: Do it.
(Slausson and Lawrence disappear)
* * * * *
Scene: At the Lab
(Lawrence is trying to enter)
Slausson: (wakes up) Lawrence! James, help him.
Willis: (wearing a helmet and working at a control panel) I’m trying. This is not the same as you materializing in Hell.
Lawrence: (unseen) Where am I? Why is this not working?
Slausson: It looks like your spirit is here but we can’t create a body for you.
Lawrence: No! That means my body is still in Hell. They will do unspeakable things to it.
Willis: I’m sorry. I don’t understand these controls as well as I’d like.
Lawrence: Mordecai, you promised me!
Slausson: And you promised to talk. I’m not going to apologize to you for anything. They have Francesca. We can’t bring you back without her. How do we get her away from Satan?
Lawrence: Can’t be done. Now make me real.
Slausson: Not good enough. I only brought you this far because you said you could help. No Francesca, no Lawrence. James, send him back.
Slausson: No! No! I’ll talk. I’ll tell you anything.
Lawrence: How can I kill Satan?
(silence for about 5 seconds)
Slausson: (Slausson is looking up at the ceiling, as if he could see Lawrence if he looks around long enough) I’m sorry I didn’t quite hear that. What did you say, Lawrence? Your one hope is trapped in Hell.
Lawrence: (weakly) There only MIGHT be a way.
Willis: Then I only MIGHT send you back.
Slausson: What will it be, Lawrence? Are you ready to talk?
* * * * *
Scene: Entry to Hell
(Slausson fully materializes)
Satan: I knew you couldn’t stay away, Mordecai.
Slausson: Where is she?
Satan: She’s safe. As safe as anyone can be in Hell.
Slausson: Bring her to me. Now.
Satan: You didn’t say please. So impatient.
Demon 1: Remember us, Timmy?
Demon 2: I think Timmy has forgotten us.
Slausson: I haven’t forgotten. Let’s discuss the matter, shall we?
(the demons rush Slausson)
(Slausson quickly overpowers them)
Satan: Impressive.
Slausson: You’re next. Now talk.
Satan: (disappearing) I hardly think so.
Willis: Not a problem. We were expecting this. You need to quickly get down to the Ninth Circle of Hell. And don’t worry about the flames. Your improved mind-body link should protect you for a while.
Slausson: How long is “a while”?
Willis: Who knows? Just don’t dawdle.
Slausson: I’m on it.
Willis: Then once you get there, if what Lawrence says can be trusted, then when you get within the Ninth Circle, you can attack Satan.
Slausson: Right.
* * * * *
Scene: Journey down into the depths of Hell
(Montage music begins: “Freedom” by Gun)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFw-C-vivlg
(Slausson overpowers various demons while fire rains from the sky)
(At 1:00 mark, the montage music fades much lower as the sounds of Slausson’s journey and fighting become audible. Around 2:00 mark, the montage music fades out completely.)
* * * * *
Scene: Ninth Circle of Hell, near Satan’s throne
Slausson: How am I doing on time?
Willis: You still have about a half an hour.
Slausson: I’m really starting to feel the heat, James. That mind-body juice is wearing off.
Willis: There’s nothing I can do about it now. I can’t inject any more Bivoxolin while your body’s still dead.
Slausson: Understood. Wait, I think I’m here. I see Satan’s throne.
Satan: (sitting on the throne) There’s none like it anywhere.
Flaxen: (from a small prison behind Satan’s throne) Mort! I’m over here!
Satan: Get past me and you can have her.
Slausson: You don’t look so tough. I’m unimpressed. I thought Satan was a mighty dragon.
Satan: And I thought you were pressed for time. But if you want to talk about it for, oh, a half hour or so, I don’t see why not.
Slausson: No more talking. No more games.
Satan: (getting up to fight) If you’re not careful you’re going to hurt my feelings.
(Slausson fights Satan for a while, but is quickly weakening. Satan shows no signs of weakness.)
Satan: You seem to be losing your touch.
Slausson: I can defeat you.
Satan: I’m still waiting for proof of that.
Flaxen: Mort, I know you can do it.
Slausson: I’m not going to let you win, Satan.
Satan: You have no idea how amusing this is to me. I truly despise all humans, but your pride and ignorance tickle me. I can’t be beaten.
Slausson: We’ll see about that.
Satan: (has Slausson in a headlock, whispers in his ear, smiling) You do realize I’m Satan, right?
Slausson: (struggling mightily) I’m… Not… Going… To…
Satan: (mocking) Can’t… Words… Mustn’t… Never… Loser…
Slausson: No! I will defeat you. I will save Francesca.
Flaxen: Mort, we’re losing you.
Slausson: (beginning to disappear) No! I’m so close.
Satan: I guess your friend’s calculations were off. Some hero you are.
Slausson: I can’t give up now.
Willis: It’s too late. You’re losing integrity. We’ll have to try again.
Satan: You know where to find me.
Slausson: I know where to KILL you.
(Slausson disappears)
* * * * *
Scene: In the Lab
Slausson: (waking up) Couldn’t you have given me a few more drops or something?
Willis: I can’t inject you when you’re already dead. You know that. I need to get the dosage right beforehand.
Slausson: Then make a dose for the full 26 hours. I’m going back in.
Willis: Sir, I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Slausson: You WILL do that.
Willis: First off, there’s no more serum. We’ll need to whip up a new batch. Second, you look like Hell. I can’t mean that any more literally than I do. And third, I feel like Hell. If I don’t get sleep I won’t be much help to you. And if you’re serious about killing Satan…
Slausson: I am.
Willis: Then you’re going to need all the help you can get. I’m going to go home and crash out. You go get a good meal, and a bath, and a good night’s sleep, and then another bath. We’ll pick this up tomorrow. No more stupid mistakes, like the dosage. If you’re serious, we need to GET serious.
Slausson: (making a fist, relaxing) No, you’re right James. I was just so close that time. She was right there.
Willis: Oh I know. I was there with you, remember?
Slausson: OK. We sleep hard like it’s our last night. We come back in tomorrow. We kill Satan.
Willis: When you say it that way, it kinda sounds insane.
Slausson: We’ll phrase it better in the morning.
Willis: Right. Let’s get out of here.
* * * * *
Scene: In the Lab
(Willis is already working)
(Slausson enters the room)
Slausson: How are we doing?
Willis: Lock the door, please?
Slausson: Right!
(Slausson locks the door)
Willis: I’ve still got Dr. Flaxen’s body in the refrigeration unit. It’s too far gone to restore. I’ve tried injecting some serum yesterday but…
Slausson: Of course. She needs to be alive when you inject it.
Willis: So our only hope there is bringing her soul back like we did with Lawrence and having her invent a way to establish a fresh body like you do when you go to Hell.
Slausson: I still don’t see how that’s possible, but if anyone could do it… Lawrence? Do you know if this is possible?
Willis: He’s gone.
Slausson: What? When?
Willis: You were nearing the Ninth Circle and he faded out. You seemed a bit busy so I didn’t bring it up.
Slausson: OK then we need to get Francesca back, and have her magically come up with a way to defy physics and spontaneously generate a new body from nothing.
Willis: After you kill Satan.
Slausson: And before Aiden Fulbright pulls the plug tomorrow.
Willis: Yeah. 1-2-3, easy as pie.
Slausson: It still sounds as insane as it did last night. We need to work on that. This time, I’m going directly to the Ninth Circle. Now that I know where it is.
Willis: The direct route. I like that.
Slausson: What about my power levels?
Willis: Of course this is all very experimental and dangerous beyond belief…
Slausson: Don’t care.
Willis: …but I’ve upped your dosage of Bivoxolin to increase your mind-body link. You should be three times stronger in Hell this time.
Slausson: Strong enough to kill Satan?
Willis: (slack-jawed pause) (exhale, shake head) Sir, there’s absolutely no way to tell. We’re well into irresistible force versus immovable object territory here. I’ll do what I can. That’s all I can promise. I mean, you ARE trying to kill Satan. We should both be committed.
Slausson: Tomorrow, after Fulbright shuts us down.
Willis: If we can’t get Dr. Flaxen back, insanity might be our best legal defense.
Slausson: We’re getting her back.
Willis: Right. Ready, sir?
Slausson: Not even close.
Willis: Good. Lie down and I’ll give you the injections.
* * * * *
Scene: Ninth Circle of Hell, near Satan’s throne
(Slausson appears)
Flaxen: (still imprisoned behind Satan’s throne) Mort, it’s another trap!
Slausson: What else would it be? Satan! Show yourself. Where are you?
Satan: (appearing from behind Slausson, and beginning to circle him) Look who’s back. It’s our good friend Mordecai Slausson. Or do you prefer “Timmy”?
Slausson: I’d prefer you dead.
Satan: You can’t kill The Devil.
Slausson: So they say. Let’s test that theory.
Satan: Have I mentioned that I find you amusing?
Slausson: Come closer. You’ll think I’m absolutely hysterical.
(Slausson grabs Satan and quickly puts him into a choke hold)
Slausson: That was easier than I thought. I’m taking Francesca back with me.
Satan: You’re right in the fact that the two of you will be in the same place.
Slausson: No more games. Release her immediately.
Satan: I take orders from you now? How adorable.
Slausson: Enough of this. I came here to kill you. Might as well do it now.
(Slausson increases the pressure on the choke hold. Satan resists for a few moments and then slumps over, seemingly dead.)
(Slausson looks down in satisfaction for four seconds, and then remembers Francesca.)
Slausson: (running over to Francesca) It’s over, Love. We’re getting out of here.
Flaxen: Oh, Mort…
Slausson: I love you too.
(Slausson looks for a way to free Dr. Flaxen from her imprisonment.)
Flaxen: (crying) Honey, it’s not over.
Slausson: What do you mean?
(Flaxen points behind Slausson.)
Slausson: (turning slowly) So you weren’t dead after all. No problem. I’ll just…
(Slausson finishes turning around and sees Dr. Willis standing there.)
Slausson: What…?
Willis: Forgive me, Dr. Slausson.
Slausson: Forg… for what?
(Satan laughs loudly as he approaches.)
Willis: Satan promised me unimaginable fame and fortune. I was going to take credit for you work.
Slausson: (to Willis) You… you’ve been working with Satan? I don’t understand.
Willis: He promised a lot of money and recognition. Dr. Flaxen was about to find out what I was up to so I poisoned her coffee.
Flaxen: That was you? When I was dying you told me it was a heart attack. You called 9-1-1.
Willis: No I didn’t. That was a fake call. We didn’t tell anyone. Your body is still in the lab.
Slausson: When I get back I’m going to kill you for real.
Willis: There is no getting back. I stabbed you in the heart just now. When your 26 hours are up, you’ll bleed out like a fire hydrant.
Satan: (laughing) This is all so delicious.
Slausson: So what then? You get all the credit for my work? How are you going to explain the bodies in the lab?
Willis: I won’t. Just as I was killing you, a security guard came in and shot me in the act. I’m dead, Dr. Slausson. (to Satan) By the way, you lied to me. Where’s my fame and fortune?
Satan: Oh, you must have missed the part where I’m THE DEVIL! I’m the Father of All Lies. I must say I find your confusion enjoyable. But you will get fame, of a sort. You’re the man who killed Francesca Flaxen and Mordecai Slausson – the two greatest humanitarians of our generation. You’ll soon be a household name. You’re the man who killed the people who killed Death.
Slausson: So James, you’re really dead?
Satan: Yes, he’s dead. And she’s dead. And now you’re dead too, Mordecai. Everyone’s dead. Isn’t that wonderful?
Slausson: No. This isn’t wonderful at all. This is all your doing, Satan.
Satan: Yes. Yes it is. Now I really hate to kill and run, but I’ve got important things to do.
Slausson: Then I’ll just kill you again.
(Slausson tries to grab Satan. Satan knocks him about 20 feet with an effortless wave of his hand.)
Satan: I told you before. I’m Satan. You can’t kill The Devil. Your precious serum will wear off soon enough. Oh, and I made sure that guard will turn your formula over to Aiden Fulbright.
Slausson: My formula?
Satan: Oh yes. I have plans. Dr. Fulbright is going to get filthy rich selling your formula to the military. And they will use it in combat to save lives.
Slausson: At least that much good will come of it.
Satan: Yes, that much good. Imagine thousands of soldiers getting injured on the battlefield and being injected with your serum, and then coming back to life in a field hospital. Coming back to life with no soul, that is.
Willis: Wait, what?
Satan: They will come here and become my pets. And then I will send one of my demons to take their place back on earth. Every soldier who uses the serum will become a living demon, and I get their souls.
Flaxen: No…
Satan: And I’ll make sure they all use it. Soon we’ll make it part of their basic training. Everyone has to take the training. An army of living demons, doing my bidding. Oh they’ll all act normal – at first – so nobody suspects anything.
Slausson: This can’t be.
Satan: And then I’ll introduce it to the civilian populace. Hospitals all over the world will be injecting patients with your serum.
Slausson: People will know if doctors are killing patients and bringing them back to life.
Satan: A ten second dosage is all we need. They don’t need to be dead for 26 hours. Put them in a private room somewhere. Make sure there’s no heart monitor. Tell them it’s a sedative. Inject them. So simple.
Willis: There would be… billions of people going to Hell!
Satan: And I have billions of demons ready to replace them. This will be such fun. Like I told you before, I have much to do. Evil never sleeps. I must leave now. I have an invasion to plan. The Devil is in the details, after all.
Slausson: I’ll stop you.
Satan: You still don’t understand. You’re mine now. You’re powerless in my realm. Didn’t Lawrence tell you? You were a double fool for coming back here. If you were still alive, you alone would have noticed the change in the soldiers taking the serum. Now, nobody will suspect a thing. Stop me? You’ve single-handedly made my invasion possible.
(Satan disappears.)
Willis: For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.
Slausson: (turns slowly and wearily toward Willis) James, we’re in Hell. What possible good can forgiveness do anyone here?
(Willis hangs his head in grief.)
(From her prison, Flaxen is crying behind them.)
Slausson: I don’t suppose you brought any ice water? I could use a glass.
(Pan back, and hear the cries of a million tortured souls added to theirs.)
END